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Vayigash is one of my favorite parshiyot perhaps because it is my birthday parsha but really because it is so full of emotion. Vayigash starts with Yehuda's plea to Yoseph to take Binyamin's place as a slave. At the conclusion of his declamation, the Torah records that Yoseph 'could not hold back', and that he then revealed his true identity to his brothers. The fact that he 'held back' implies that , had he been able, he would have kept stringing them along. Why? to what end? What was his original plan?

There are a number of different theories about what Yoseph was trying to accomplish with the whole charade: bring about the fruition of his dreams, make his brothers repent, etc. Part of the drama of these parshiyot, which  provide some of the best drama in all of TaNach, is in trying to figure out who knows what, when.

It seems that Yoseph never intended to reveal himself to his brothers. As far as he was concerned, they were strangers ('va-yitnaker Yosef le-echav') and he wanted nothing to do with them. He felt that their betrayal of him had severed familial ties; he could not have known what Yaakov's role in the sale was: he may have missed his father, or he may have thought that his father was somehow party to his disenfranchisement (Menashe = 'for God has made me forget my father's house').  Either way, the only family member about whom he was concerned was Binyamin, his full brother who was very young at the time of Yoseph's departure.

The entire charade was to get Binyamin down to Egypt and keep him there. He designed the frame-up job to give a pretense for keeping Binyamin there while turning the rest of them loose. He even provoked their jealousy to make them less willing to go to bat for their pampered brother. Had all gone well, he would have been free to start his own,  family together with his brother.

He did not count on the brothers going to bat for Binyamin. He did not count on the fact that Yaakov never got over Yoseph's disappearance, as Yehuda described in his speech. Thus, Yehuda's speech causes Yoseph to change his plan and leads to the dramatic resolution of the fraternal conflict.
The holding back of emotion on Yoseph’s part would have changed history. Often we hold back when we are not sure about how people feel about us, what our role in a given situation is. It is important to listen and get the whole picture before we react whether it is holding back or sharing, sometimes the filter is necessary but sometimes people are waiting to hear what you have to share.

This year as part of our Megama program, we have spent a lot of time preparing for and reflecting after new experiences. The students have met interesting personalities who lead by giving the world their all and not holding anything back. As a result, I have been privileged to watch them come out of their own shell and give of their whole selves, thereby maximizing their Amit experience.